Sullen v.5



getting into the deep beautiful melancholy
of all that has happened

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I had a very rough day at work today.

Unfortunately it's my mother who gets to hear the 'venting' -- or in this case, as upset as I was, crying -- and it's because she gives really amazing advice and can put me at ease when I'm feeling really distraught. I had a little bit of a breakdown today at work, I'll admit. Although it could have been the accumulation of things happening in my life lately (which I'll save the details), I purposefully brought it on. I put my mentor on the spot and asked her directly about my performance and her opinion of it because something has been feeling 'off' with our communication/relationship lately, and I asked her to give me complete honesty.. and I definitely *got* complete honesty. While I'm happy I asked, I also feel a bit hurt too. Or I thought it was "a bit" until I started going over it in my mind and it became a-lotta-bit.

Long story short, I think it's going to be okay. I have some things I need to work on (like being able to handle feedback when I ask for it! haha.. no.. but other things too :P)...... but what I really wanted to say here -- as much as my mom can put things into perspective for me and think of solutions (rather than just agreeing with everything I say and taking my side)... I also really love the movie Elizabethtown.

For some reason, when I was feeling pretty down, this quote came to mind.. "I want to get into the deep beautiful melancholy of all that's happened." I had to think back to where I had heard that saying from before, and it's actually from the movie. Guess that must mean I associate that movie with a good lesson for how to put life/hardship (especially with work) into perspective.

"No true fiasco ever began as a quest for mere adequacy. A motto of the British Special Air Force is: 'Those who risk, win.' A single green vine shoot is able to grow through cement. The Pacific Northwestern salmon beats itself bloody on it's quest to travel hundreds of miles upstream against the current, with a single purpose, sex of course, but also... life."

"There's a difference between a failure and a fiasco. A failure is merely the absence of success. Any fool can achieve failure. But a fiasco, a fiasco is a disaster of epic propotions. A fiasco is a folk tale told to other's to make other people feel more alive because it didn't happen to them."

"You wanna be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make them wonder why you're still smiling."

There's a lot of other good things to take away from that movie, but this is just one of those things. The movie really helps me put things into perspective and appreciate the bigger/better picture in life. I still don't understand how people (a lot of people) see this movie as *not* great.

ladeda.. the .. end.