Sullen v.5



he's no good at being uncomfortable
so he can't stop staying exactly the same

Monday, January 21, 2008

Tonight was pretty amusing and ever so slightly awkward (I believe not awkward on my part, but who knows..). Ohhh just a run-in with my first "boyfriend" (e*) in 5th-6th grade. I recall being on/off several times with him in the 6TH silly..but we were *nothing* of what I would consider a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship to be now-a-days. Makes me laugh thinking back on it. How cute. We were each other's first "relationship" (again, if you can even call it that). So when I saw him tonight I felt like I should say hi...even though I seriously don't think we've talked since back in the 6th grade when I "brokeup" with him (and I do recall him crying :( ). Maybe my fear of relationships goes back to that early day (scared of hurting someone when it doesn't workout)... geez...and then there was that time when my dad came into my class as a substitute teacher (when he wasn't full-time yet) and all of my friends blabbed to my dad that I was "dating" e*. I hadn't told my dad yet and I was so scared/embarrassed that I ran out of the classroom and stayed in the bathroom until the rest of class was over and my dad left! (My dad reassured me later that everything was fine). Looking back on's hilarious.. but geez.. no need for e* to be awkward about things *today*.

When I first saw him and his friend I pretended like I didn't see them, but then I saw him looking over and over at me from the corner of my eye and I knew he knew it was me...and I couldn't avoid them, because they were pretty close to me in tight quarters, and I didn't want to be rude, so finally I looked over and smiled and waved to e's* friend, then to e*. E's* friend was actually closer to me growing up in my "older days" (hs).. but e* was always very shy/avoidant around me after 6th grade (despite us always going to the same schools). Both e* and his friend smiled/waved back, so I got up from where I was sitting to say hi and quickly catchup, and e's* friend was really chatty and fun.. but e* totally acted awkward and not chatty with me ... turns out e* and I work for the same company now. Haha.. who would have thought. It was really amusing actually, the whole run-in, but unfortunate that it was a little awkward...I think we should at least be friends/acquaintances now.. why continue to be so shy/avoidant around me eleven years later?? We were silly and immature and I'm sure we're both very different people now. the end.

Anyway. Besides all that craziness... I scored on two awesome CDs tonight. Mostly CDs I already know the songs to, but it just seems wrong to have/know songs without having the actual CD of a favorite artist. So I bought Fiona Apple's "Extraordinary Machine" and Vanessa Carlton's "Harmonium" CDs from one of my favorite used book/music stores. I will post my review of my favorite Fiona Apply songs from this album, but it's by far not one of my favorite albums of hers, but that's probably because the record label really did not get to have a lot of say in the production of her music this go-around, from what I've heard. I'll probably end up really enjoying this album (just as I have her other CDs), but again, not my favorite. I do love how genuine she sings and the kind of anguish she's able to portray in her music.. she's true female-"emo" in my perspective.. with a really unique/crazy sound. Anyway. Yeah. The guy at the music store gave me Vanessa Carlton's "Harmonium" CD for free since it didn't have the front cover on the CD.. and that made me really happy since I don't need the front cover (already know the lyrics) and it was the CD that I wanted. I kinda didn't want to buy Vanessa Carlton's CD in the first place since the music isn't really new to me. At least Fiona's is kinda new to me since I haven't listened to the songs a lot (she's a bit of a snob in the fact that she won't even allow her music to stream for napster members.. you have to *buy* any of her music that is available... and then again... it just goes to show how amazing she is because she can demand that sort of thing... or she just doesn't give a crap about making money unless someone is willing to pay for her music in its entirety :P).

Review of Extraordinary Machine:
(best songs on the album, imo, with of course the best lines..)

Extraordinary Machine
“I mean to prove I mean to move in my own way”

O’ Sailor
“everything I have to look forward to has a pretty painful and very imposing ‘before’”

“or I just really used to love him…I sure hope that’s it”

“so I can’t see what I’m seeing, in fact, I only see what I’m looking through”

Please Please Please
"my method is uncertain, it's a mess but it's working"

“if you don’t have a point to make, don’t sweat it, you’ll make a sharp one being so kind…and I’d sure appreciate it”