Sullen v.5



it's in the ABC of growing up

Thursday, October 18, 2007

so my job.. officially... after 4...5 weeks?... has hit a new stressful peak. Apparently it was my one month anniversary w/ the job on the 10th and I didn't even notice because time is flying by so quickly -- a good thing. Funny because in my last full-time job I was literally counting the days to see how long I could last, and after 9 months I could take no more. This job has definitely hit a new stressful peak, but it's good because I enjoy a fast-paced job where the day goes by quickly. It's hard to overwhelm me to the point of where I'm multi-tasking so many things in any given minute and sending over 10 e-mails in 30 seconds, constantly, (no joke), but this job has managed to take things to that level. In a way it's a good overwhelming feeling because I'm getting things done, everything has a deadline, and I'm pushing projects through to completion (very goal oriented), but sometimes I need to a moment to breathe without constant adrenaline going. Today I felt like I was having an odd panic attack. I don't really know what a panic attack is because it's not something that I feel happens to me often, but I define it as a sort of nauseous feeling where I start to feel clammy like I could passout because I can't seem to get enough oxygen... and people could be talking to me but I can't hear them very well because all of my energy is focusing on *not* getting more clammy/passout-feeling. It's like if I just focus my thoughts on bouncing-back everything turns out ok. And granted I've never been in a situation where I've literally had a noticeable panic attack in front of people ... sooo.. who knows. I've had a breakdown in front of my former boss (crying, because she was a bitch, excuse my lanuage), but not a panic attack. Ha. Oh and learning how to manage multiple "lunch meetings" without getting a huge gut.. nice to be going to all of the best restaurants and getting treated, but I can only handle so much in a day. One of my team members made me laugh when she said "nobody starves at __".. yeah that's an understatement. It's funny because we work with all of these outside vendors so they always want to treat us to keep their business. ;)

Yeah so this probably sounds all sort of crazy, like a red flag for definitely over-exerting myself, but it happened during a time when I *did* take a moment to breathe and it's like everything caught up with me and I actually couldn't breathe very well when I took that moment. So yeah... if someone wants to know what I do.. it is usually hard to explain because I feel like I "signed my life away" in confidentiality forms when I took the job... but an advertising executive is a similar job to what I do... and yet very different at the same time. I would say it's an advertising executive's job-expanded... how ever that can be interpreted? Anywho. I should get some sleep since lack of sleep will reallyyyy screw up my day.