Sullen v.5



to go with the flow

Monday, March 19, 2007

wow sometimes i write the most random crazy shit late at night.

Excuse my language?... but really.. looking over previous posts sometimes... I wonder what kind of state I was in that brought on such writing... haha.. uh yeah. I mean, what I write *is* true, in some sense.. but the fact that I just write flow-of-consciousness-style, not really taking time to rationalize anything... or get the right words... I think it leads to not writing what I mean. Then again, this blog really isn't open for interpretation to anyone... just for my own reflection in the future.. and if someone stumbles upon it they can take or leave whatever is said here... but I definitely don't think it accurately captures things sometimes. I guess that I trust that the more I write.. the more patterns, in overall posting, will be evident in the future... and *that* is what I aim to look for.. if ever I want to... for some insight in the future.

Maybe I should keep a separate blog for the well thought-out stuff, but for now.. nah. It's just that there are some topics I have come to be comfortable with discussing here, but other topics/people get completely overlooked because I'm not as comfortable with it being discovered. Obviously, without this being private, there is always going to be that concern.. and why some things I don't mind saying vs. other stuff.. I dunno.. I guess it comes down to what I gather other people could deduce on their own should they be observing irl or asking me. Some stuff just isn't said though.

This comes back to the accuracy thing... I can see from previous posting that some things are said (mostly the positive) where other things are not (the negative). People have told me that I'm very forgiving.. maybe to a fault sometimes?... and I think this is reflective in my blog in the sense that some things which really anger me... concern me... disappoint me.... especially in regard to other people and my relationships... not really talked about here. Things I want, yeah... but things I don't want, and have... not mentioned.. unless it's only my own self-reflection.

I talk about all sorts of things.. as I saw below.. especially in regard to relationships.. and how everything could just be dandy if such-and-such... but the thing is there are so many more underlying issues that are never mentioned. Such-and-such being figured out would only make the underlying issues easier to address... but it's not all just as easy as such-and-such being sorted out.

Completely vague. But yeah. And this is an incredibly rambling.. confusing post.... but I just needed to say something about my posting lately.... because I can look at it now and totally not agree with a lot of things I say in my flow-of-conscious-la-la-land state sometimes.