Sullen v.5



reach for something in between

Thursday, March 08, 2007

This post is going to be extremely random. There's the disclaimer now.

1) Vegas. Just got back. Vegas always exhausts me upon returning from a trip. I went with two of my good girl friends and none of my good guy friends because they wanted it to be "just a girl's trip"... which is fine... but I think it could have been just as much fun, if not more, if they were there.. and I just thought it kind of mean to exclude them 'cause we're all so close.. haha.. but.. I don't think they took it too personally. :P I played poker at an actual table for the first time ever! Man... scaryyy because it's just an intense room.. you're putting down *real* hardcore money.. and most of the players are all guys.. old men.. just really intimidating. It was a huge rush though. Unfortunately it was too much of a rush for me in the beginning and I made some huuuuge blunders which really cost me... but live and learn... I was so bummed after my first experience/loss at poker that I swore off gambling the rest of the trip (I really do hate gambling anyway because I am more for sure-things with my money).. we met up with my friend's grandmother since that is where she is from.. and played bingo... I swore I was just going to sit and read while they played bingo... but grandma talked me into buying one of the cheapest sheets... and wouldn't you know... on the LAST sheet.. when you need to get blackout.. in a huge room of people... I WON!! $250.00! It was awesome and I thought I was going to passout/die from shaking. It was funny because I really did intuitively know which number, if any, I was going to win on... and I did.. it was the last number to be called. strange. The number lit up on the board before it was called and I was so frantic that I started yelling "bingo bingo! bingo!!!" .. and my friend had to settle me down ("shut up not yet!") because they hadn't actually *said* the number yet and I guess that can disqualify you? haha.. I don't know.. but it was funny.. and it made my trip A LOT better because I was feeling really down in the dumps about a minor loss in poker (compared to what I won in bingo). Apparently I beat the odds by A LOT..especially as a first time player..but...look below at other posts.. I AM A LUCKY GIRL. God loves me... haha.. even though he hates gambling?... yeahhh. I think it's ok as long as you know you're limits and aren't throwing money around frivolously. I later played poker again .. to redeem myself... and redeem myself I did!.. I won a huge pot, but unfortunately lost it later as I continued to play.. which was fine by me (easy come easy is more about the game/fun to me than it is about the money..).. and I cut my losses at $5 (so walking out with 55 when I put down 60) when all was said and done playing the second time.
We did the club thing.. wasn't much fun because a) I am over clubs .. b) it was a bad day..
We did the good food thing..
It was just good times.. good fun.... and tomorrow I am prob. off to San Diego to hang with my guy friendsss.. yayyy.. I missed them in Vegas. :P It's funny 'cause I'm taking "spring break" with everyone when technically I graduated, but hey.. I have a cool job that allows me to do this.. so why not. I like living vicariously through my friends. ;) And really I just like *living*.. making the most of each day.

2) I never realized how intrigued I am by old couples until recently. I look at them in complete admiration and awe when they look like they could have been life partners for 50 years and are still very much in love. I watch them walk together, slowly. When one has to walk slower due to age, the other goes right along with them at the same pace, despite their difference in health.. it's just such a beautiful portrayal of love to me.. absolute patience.. absolute dedication... their absolute soulmate and best friend? ... Really just blows me away. I sometimes have to catch myself because I will literally stare at them and get lost in daydreaming.. thinking about their relationship and analyzing it. . watching them communicate. Sometimes I wonder why I do this. I wonder if I have such little faith in my ability to hold a long-term relationship that I look at them in disbelief?.. I wonder if they are the ideal of what I want in my life someday?... I wonder how they met... I wonder what kept the fire alive after all those years.. I wonder what would happen if one ever lost the other now, after so many years...... I imagine my intrigue stems from a variety of areas. Mostly I think it provides me with a positive perspective--that true love *is* out there.. and the proof is in the older people, everywhere, who have found it.

3) I don't know exactly what this song means (I have my perspective).. it seems kind of dark.. but I recently discovered it and really like it.. Kasey Chambers - Dangerous