Sullen v.5




Sunday, February 18, 2007

so.. unfortunately having internet now is going to mean a lot more mindless posts..during unfortunate times that I can't sleep, like now.. and yesterday.. and the day before that. I'm so frustrated with my ridiculous sleeping schedule right now. I'm also frustrated with my random bouts of tears (wouldn't quite call it crying), late at night, this week. I can understand why I might be a little extra emotional... but seriously... this is ridiculous and it needs to stop. I'm downloading a ton of music right now that at some point I had put on a list to eventually get... and this one in particular, Collective Soul - How Do You Love, is just making me crazy emotional. agh. sigh. I'm also feeling increasingly emotional about what seems like the inevitable end of things in the I'm attached to particular people who have really touched my life. I don't know that they'll really ever comprehend the depth to which they truly touched and saved my life in a variety of ways. Thinking about goodbye is impossible right now.. and yet I'm trying to start thinking about it to get my expectations in the right place.. or prepare myself somehow. It's hard for me though, when I do start facing these realities, to not push those people away. It's easy for me to do that.. to find something to be angry about or to just runaway and not be around them as much.. just because I don't want to feel the pain.. and I know it's not fair, and impossible for me to do anyway, even if I tried.