Sullen v.5



after all this time I've come to find my soul's fragility

Sunday, February 25, 2007

A crazy/strange thing happened the other night...I drank so much, so fast, that I became sick in the worst way and completely lost it. That's the first time for that to ever happen, although I've come close to that point several times before. One minute I was awake and well, the next minute I was a sick mess and passed out a second later..only to awake on my friend's couch the next morning, not remembering much, and completely shocked that the entire night had gone by and everyone was gone. So today I'm feeling all this shame and embarrassment. I don't know why I feel so bad about it..they are my good friends and understand that sh*t happens, and I'm sure several of them have accidently drank past their limit.. but man...I just like to think of myself as responsible with good judgment when it comes to those things..and I guess I'm disappointed in myself too because it was supposed to be a fun night only for me to get ill and passout on them..and I guess everyone checked out after that. heh. Not only that, but I know I should treat my body with more respect and stop putting so much stress on it with this trash going into it in an effort to escape..something? I don't know that I was trying to escape anything..I think I just wanted to have fun, but forgot to eat and still felt full due to a fruit smoothie..and those smoothies make me sick too (I think my body doesn't respond well to the mass vitamins in them) I said..too much too fast. The whole thing is just really upsetting, but good at the same time because it has helped me take a serious reexamination of things...and is a lesson well-learned in moderation and the necessary limits I need to respect and remember.