Sullen v.5



"small blips"

Friday, July 07, 2006

Small blips that I just randomly thought I should really write down. I just moved into a new home/apartment situation (in a beautiful area for a great price). Every time I move, it is a strange time for me because it is a reminder of how many wonderful people I have in my life. It is such a pain to move, but once I start decorating my room, the time basically turns into a moving experience for me. haha. That sounds cheezy, but it's so true. First of all, decorating is very important to me because the room that is all-my-own has to be very cozy for me to come home to and unwind. Secondly, my room is designed to be inspirational. This inspiration comes from my favorite pictures, postcards, quotes, cards, books.. etc.. all arranged nicely throughout the room to be cozy but deliver powerful messages. For example, I make it a point to put pictures with friends and special written mementos across from my bed on a collage/board so that I wake up to it in the morning and it is one of the first things I see. I love looking around and reminding myself how lucky I am to have people that believe in me, and to have the strength to believe in myself. I was sitting at a Subway with some friends (for about 2 hrs) the other day, and we got into some deep conversation about our life experiences. We all mutually agreed how lucky we are at our age to be able to openly discuss our different experiences in Ireland, Greece, Egypt, Italy, etc. It kind of bothers me that I am not at any high life satisfaction point right now, but that I'm still not sure what I can do/should do to make it better. Maintaining my friendships .. particularly those I have somehow established a special bond with .. throughout everything I do is also extremely important to me. I've always said this, but sometimes I think my friends underestimate how much I care for them. I think I care too much to the point that it makes me purposefully take steps to act like I don't care as much as I do. I think this becomes especially apparent when it comes to romantic relationships. It's strange, but I have to wonder if this is because I fear getting hurt, or because I underestimate their own capacity to care. It has come to my attention that I assume every guy a player-until-proven-otherwise. . and I'm not sure when/if I am/can be convinced that they aren't. I'm not sure where this horrible pessimism has come from, because I really haven't been burned that badly by guys.. in fact.. I think there has been more evidence to realize my assumption is wrong more than it is right. That guy I had mentioned before (previous post).. who we met randomly .. who I let my friend have dibs on the # ... he never called her back .. and I was shocked.. because I would argue that 1) she is very attractive (if not moreso than myself).. and she has a good personality.. and I was almost positive that if I had given him my # he would have called me back (and of all the times I've decided to give my number, I have received a call back every time -- fortunately and unfortunately).. so where does my pessimism come from?

My fortune cookie message of the day: "Accept affection that is given to you -- it is genuine."