Sullen v.5




Sunday, June 18, 2006

Well, turns out that teacher did come back, and surprisingly she came back with a really good attitude and change of performance. I thought she wouldn't think twice about what I had said to her, would quit, etc. etc.... but no.. she showed up come-time Monday, and instead of making it icy between us.. I cheerfully said hello when she walked in and approached the relationship as if we were beginning with a clean slate. I am happy with the changes she has made, and I now feel more of a responsibility to support and look after her when she needs assistance. For example, if I notice a student being disrespectful, I am the first one to step in and tell the kid to shape up. This entire experience has without a doubt been one of the most rewarding takeaways of my job so far (oddly enough). It's an entire role of management I have not had to approach before, but one that I am happy to be stepping into. I guess this was kind of the next step for me, and I'm finding more and more that I was placed where I am now (by those who interviewed me) as a result of a specific understanding of who I am and where I can make the most difference both in myself and in the organization. I guess after such an intense interview process they really get a good understanding of where you should be placed. There are still things that upset me about my position... more in the fact that I am feeling held back.. but I have been told that promotion can happen as early as 3 months and that I am already clearly performing the responsibilities that are expected for the next step in the career path. I had told my friends (and a few coworkers in training w/ me) that I am on the "2 month" plan -- meaning I am giving this job 2 months to impress me, or make me feel like I should stay.. maybe I will extend that to the 3 month plan.

In other good news... I found a great living situation. I was supposed to go to Vegas last weekend, but cancelled at the last minute as a result of the realization that I was going to be homeless at the end of June and needed to find a place *quickly*. By Monday I had contacted 3 different people, saw 3 different apartments, (somehow within an 11-hr workday), and had received an offer and made a decision by Thursday. I am living in a beautiful neighborhood, closer to work, and paying a more than reasonable rent considering the area (on a month-month basis, which allows me to pursue any alternative options in work whenever I would like. I am feeling very blessed right now and things couldn't be better with this previous concern. Oddly enough, in my apartment searching, one of the apartments I had gone to visit.. the guy and I really hit it off.. like we had a lot of odd (?) interests in common. As much as his rate was by-far the best deal, I knew that I could not possibly live with him.. especially given our strange affinity.. and anyway, I really do not want a male roommate right now. I'm pretty good about keeping things platonic (trust me, for one reason or another, I do it all of the time even w/ ppl I *am* interested in), but I just don't like the idea that proximity generally breeds fondness, and I don't want to be in a situation where that can get messy and then I'm stranded looking for a new home. So anyway. I decided he could be my friend. And when he called me up to ask me out to coffee/lunch yesterday, I gave it some thought, and decided it should be ok. I hope he wants to keep it at just friends, because I am not feeling it otherwise. I asked a friend if accepting his invitation was leading him on because I'm not interested, and she said no... so... I will go. sigh. I don't feel ready to jump back into 'the game' at all.. and usually summer is my time for the good times to roll.. but yeah.. I think my heart is just in another place right now.. yeah, it bothers me (and mostly my mom, who always sounds aggravated by the "great guys in my life," but then me not showing interest). I'm *interested*, but I'm more just burnt out with everything. I play games, and those who play them with me... I can only play so long before I get tired. I feel like I've been playing a couple games and I'm just trying to figure out how to end them now. And it's funny because guys right and left are telling me about how they're looking to "settle down" (in more words than less), and I don't even know that I'm looking for that sort of thing either right now. Anyway. I kinda just need a break.. even though I'm not getting over any serious relationship.. I still feel like I'm getting over things. .... .. *thinks*... anyway.