Sullen v.5




Thursday, May 18, 2006

It's no longer a wonder to me why people seem to post less as they age and are in full-time jobs. It's not that there's any less time either, or maybe there is to an extent, but I think it's more about the energy and the lack of anything really interesting to say. At least that's how it is for me. I'm finding it is also very true about what is said of the 'real world' and how people shouldn't take college for granted while they are in it. Sometimes when I was in college I would take it for granted, and want the hell out.. usually when studying for several major exams all at one time.. but even then I think I knew I would probably enjoy *that* time more than I would in the real world. Some of my older friends tell me it will get better, but I'm wondering how many *years* that takes before I become accustomed to what currently feels like a much more dull life. In other words, I'm not sure that it ever gets "better," but maybe it's just about desensitization to how good the "old days" were as the memories and feelings begin to fade into the past. man. sometimes i can have such a negative outlook.

I'm more of a realist though. A lot of people got angry at me on graduation day because I was "saying goodbye as if it were the end," but again.. I was just thinking about how likely it was that I would ever see them when they're moving half-way across the country.

So. My full-time job. Yeah. Finally joined the rat race and know what it feels like to be just-getting-by. It's not even about "just getting by," either, but that it never feels like enough, and I'm not sure when it will feel like enough. . something tells me it's not about the money, but the passion I have for the job. I'm in a position where I could be passionate, but there are some essential puzzle pieces missing from the whole thing that makes it less fulfilling. I think selling my soul to a 9+ hour workday will never feel like enough until I am completely happy with what I am doing.

There are other things I could say right now, but .. i'll save it.