Sullen v.5



pivotal period

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I don't know what this is, but suddenly I'm feeling a harsh reality check and seriously losing some confidence in my ability as a prospective employee. People always try to encourage me by saying "oh you'll find a job," and to that I say it's not that I worry I won't find a job, but that I worry about the type of work I'll be doing and where I'll be located.

As of now, I am COMPLETELY AT A LOSS as to what my plans are. Literally, I have no plans and am going to be graduating in about 30 days (or less?). Unfounded. Unbelievable.

To some extent I feel like I have been avoiding the issue of a "career," and yet I also feel like I don't have any driving passion at this moment. As I told my friends who are visiting me for their spring break, "Usually I have a plan and am one step ahead, but this is one time I'm not going to rush any decisions." Really though, when do I ever rush decisions? I always wait until the last minute to make decisions, and usually they're completely random/spontaneous decisions that I just know are right when they present themselves. So in some respect this is not surprising, but it's NOT because of over-confidence... I'm really quite scared.

The reality-check came mostly with having been denied the internship in DC I applied to. I was told to not take it personally because "everyone from our organization was denied - they are grading the applicants *extremely* harshly this year." FYI, everyone in this organization are amazing/successful individuals who have been recognized through various means as the leaders-of-tomorrow.. or something. Anyway. In some respect it was a slap in the face. Like I've mentioned before, I'm not accustomed to not getting what I want when it comes to turning in written applications.. or I AT LEAST get a good foot in the door before they can deny me.. and my philosophy has always been, with any application process.. "if they just let my foot in the door... I can find my way in from there." Meaning: give me an interview after seeing my resume/application, and I have confidence that I can persuade them that I deserve-whatever.

Anyway. Just the harsh reality of extreme competition and HIGHER expectations (or insiders who will take the job no matter how qualified other applicants are) are really making me take another look at my perspective of "getting my foot in the door." No longer will a good-looking-resume do.... I'm going to have to go over it with a fine tooth comb and REFINE REFINE REFINE. Afterall, in many cases it's your only time to make that first impression and make them curious to inquire.

Now I'm looking at organizations that I'd like to work for and the types of positions they have available. I'm not even considering location, really, except that I'm leaning more toward consistantly warmer climates. The type of work is very important to me too because I am now highly considering an MBA in my future. I can't imagine getting into a good MBA program without first having good work experience. Therefore, I really don't want to waste my time with crappy work. Unfortunately I'm hearing more and more about BRIGHT students who received great degress and are wasting their lives away in some no-end-rat-race-low-end-company. I pray to God I don't end up in a situation like that, but time is ticking, and when it comes right down to it... I don't have time to waste once I graduate. I have a certain time limit to pay off my loans, and I fear that I will lose sight of this huge goal without having a job immediately. If I lose my grace period without having achieved a significant amount of my goal, the whole plan almost becomes pointless.

Anyway. Just a lot on my mind these days and I really need to start coming to some sort of focus. It will be interesting to see how it all rolls out.