Sullen v.5



I know what I like

Friday, January 27, 2006

Interestingly enough, the minute I saw that "Elizabethtown" was going to be the 'movie of the week' played at my school, something literally _drew_ me to go see it. I had no reason to be so motivated to see the movie: I'm not particularly interested in either the actor (Orlando Bloom) or actress (Kirsten Dunst), I didn't have a clue what the movie was about, and had no idea who the director was.

Although the movie had some odd parts, overall I *really* liked it. It was pretty much speaking _a lot_ to me, although I wished it would skip a lot of the family-quirky-stuff and just stick more to the story between the main characters. I could read into anything these days, but it seems that, once again, I decided to see this movie at a particularly odd time when I can especially relate to it. Sometimes I feel like that girl.. .. Claire.. and could relate to her in a lot of ways, or look up to the way her character is.. because it's how I am/would be when/if I have the guts to act upon my instincts. It's funny because I was looking at reviews later... a little bitter that so many people hated this movie.. and then SURPRISINGLY realized that it was the SAME director of Vanilla Sky (Cameron Crowe) -- one of my absolute most favorite movies that a lot of people hated. Realizing this, I was no longer bitter as it makes perfect sense that some people just can't get the beauty in this stuff beyond the "oh she/he is so annoying" or.. "oh that doesn't really exhist.. that could never happen"... I don't know.. maybe the whole thing is too idealized, and maybe I like it because I strive and hope for, and truly believe in, the ideal, and these movies give me some glimmer of the beauty in how to express that. I don't know. I love how the character, Claire, kept saying "We're the substitute people." THAT makes total sense to me. "I've always been the substitute person." So much in that movie spoke to me and where I'm at right now. Even the intimacy.. I can realate to how it worked in that movie.. the process. I found it hilarious when they were drawn close to each other in an attempt to kiss, and then hesitated as they were close.. both taking in the depth of what it felt to be that close to each other... and the hesitation soon became awkward in which she pulled away and said.. "well... now we can be friends, for the rest of our lives." cute. It's out of context, but I really liked it. And how she said to him, "You're always trying to break up with me when we're not even together.." and he says.. "right.. wait.. we aren't?" ... the confusion that can arrise in that sort of thing.. the connection being there, but nothing having ever really been said formally. .... haha, i could go on and on cause there were a lot of lines I liked... "You failed. You failed you failed you failed. You failed" .. loved how that was just repeated to him over and over. . it just goes to show how meaningless the reality of it was in comparison to the context of LIFE (which happens to be the last word in the film.. I remember these sort of crazy things when I'm really tuned in).

Anyway. I liked it a lot, despite some of the quirky family scenes. Maybe I'm stretching it a lot here, but I feel like that character.. Claire. Some people might think she's annoying as hell... but that's me. *shrug* Other reviews say "no girl like that exhists.. who has all the answers.." .. and not saying I DO.. but.. I don't know... I'm just saying.. I am the girl who wants to help someone look beyond their sadness .. any void .. and find the joy in living. And I try to keep everything light. oh.. in the movie.. she tells him.. "I don't need the cone." (have to see it to get it)... something I would totally say.. or.. trying to be humorous with expressing real emotion.. and he says to her, "you don't have to be funny with that.. i like you without the humor too." anyway. like I said. I could go on.

I need to sleep. *yawn*

A lot going on these days. I thought part-time, 12 units, hardly any homework.. that I would have a lot more time to sleep/do stuff... truth is... I don't.

Turns out my new piano teacher KNOWS/studied with my teacher back in the little AZ town. I discovered this by the professor saying to me when I walked in, "I've been expecting you! I thought you might have graduated... how's (past teacher)??" ..... of course that immediately freaked me out because if she knows who my past teacher is.... there is no doubt in my mind that she was expecting me to be some piano prodigy. Yeah my past teacher was/is brilliant, but that doesn't mean I was one of her most brilliant students. So I didn't make the best first impression because I was a nervous wreck and couldn't play AT ALL near my potential. I'm working hard on the music she assigned me (slightly below my difficulty level) so that I can prove it was just nerves in the past meeting.

Management class. The arrogant team-member stated to me in a team meeting, in an aggressive manner, "I know you better than you know yourself!" .. this was after he realized that I had been voted in as the leader... which upon he said "This isn't a dictatorship! I don't have to report to you!"... so whatever... all of the other guys in my team thought we was kidding, and then reassured me later that they all DID vote me in and that I'll be staying in that position. I just laughed it off and replied... " you know me better than I do myself? That's pretty amazing. If that's the case you should be my psychologist or something.." ... he shut his mouth after that. We get along better these days. He openly admits we butt-heads a lot... but I think we bonded a little today in a meeting when we both realized that we detest working in groups because of the 'loafers' (we call it 'social loafing' in psyc). I'm realizing, as the team leader, the simple relay of information is EXTREMELY time consuming. Everyone is asking me questions, which I have to get answers from the professor.. and then make sure everyone is on task... write instructions for the basic process of completing the group task.... a lot of time. anyway.

that's all. headache.