Sullen v.5



as the tide turns

Monday, January 16, 2006

.. hm. A lot has happened these past days. About the previous post .. I'm still a little angry about the whole situation, but more thankful than anything.. everything really does happen for a reason, and in this case, God is on my side. haha. anyway.
Since not going to Vegas, I have been hanging out mostly with my other good friends. Several of us took a road trip yesterday and found ourselves in a cute town along another beach. Upon arriving at sunset, and strolling along the tide, I found myself being proposed to by some-one :) (see 'catharsis' post). Haha, yeah.. so.. it wasn't the *real*-deal, but it was meaningful.. and I will forever remember his announcement to everyone around us that he was proposing, bending down on one knee, taking my hand, and offering me a seashell. It was adorable. Another friend took a picture, and it's actually really perfect with the sunset in the background.
so... as it turns out.. I don't even read into mock-proposals. I took 'the proposal' as a cute joke, but after this road trip, I have no doubt that we are both mutually interested in something possibly more than friends. Although things are moving forward in a different direction, it's not 'comfortable' by any means due to the awkward-so-what-is-this?-stage. We also have many good mutual friends between us, and it's hard to tell what is going to remain on the DL .. secretly I hope that he doesn't talk to any of those friends about anything, for the time. It's different for me too, because all of my relationships in the past have started after very minimal friendships (under 3 mo.), and it's scary to think that a good friendship that I've had for a long time may be changing.. hopefully for the better (it is nice that he knows me well for who-i-am). .. and I'm not gonna lie, I'm a bit freaked out of my mind. I promised myself that if he ever initiated something-more again that I would meet him half way.. and I think I did.. and that the ball is in his court to dtr. I'm prepared to wear my heart on my sleeve, and if history has taught me anything, I'll probably get hurt... but it feels like a good thing, and I'm willing to take the risk.