Sullen v.5



The open road is still miles away

Monday, December 19, 2005

random dumb thoughts.

1) I really haven't watched The Apprentice this season around, but I just caught up on re-runs. Heh. Disappointed with the last episode/choice. It's amazing how selfish people are when it wouldn't event hurt them. Donald Trump asks 'the winner,' "Don't you think I should hire her also?" ... Winner's response: "NO - there is only ONE apprentice - it's not Appreni!" ... dam...
I can see if he legitimately qualified on some specific grounds (because now that I think about it, when I've been in similar circumstances I've made an effort to pull myself apart from the competition so that there could only be one.. namely valedictorian.. I didn't want to share the title so I made sure it came down to the last tenth of a point). .... ok so I'm a hypocrite.... it just made me mad. I just feel like he hurt her opportunity in a BIG way by not saying, "yeah why not"... why not give someone opportunity when it will have no effect on them? Heh. I think my circumstances in the past differ because it didn't mean any of my other 'competition' had any less opportunity .. I don't know .. maybe they were effected because the various recognition made my resume stronger, thereby putting me in a continuous position to receive the awards I wanted..

ahh that was just supposed to be a blip. I don't know.. it made me really angry and maybe there's something to learn from that. heh. Friends tell me I should tryout for The Apprentice, lol, except I probably couldn't get past the screening stage. Anyway. whatever.

2) Suddenly *really* freaking out about my future after spending time with both sets of grandparents this weekend and their prodding for "What I plan to do" after graduating. Sometimes I think they're looking down on me, particularly my dad's side. For instance, I just discovered that my cousin was accepted to Stanford... haha.. and it's his "backup" school. I already knew he'd be accepted (considering both his parents went there and he practically had a perfect SAT/ACT), but man. My other cousin recently went to Cornell (whose dad happens to teach there :P).... I am the oldest of us all... and granted I went to Pepp* which isn't bad (my parents didn't go to a highly regarded college), but it sure as hell isn't Stanford. lol. At any rate.. I'm really proud to be able to say that my cousins go to those schools... so I'm not complaining because I never applied myself to those Ivy-league-status-schools.. wasn't for me anyway. ....... .... so my cousins asked my sister for a "regular college sweatshirt" (my sister is attending the same college my parents did) that they could wear because they were "sick of wearing ivy league sweatshirts." Haha. I don't think they were trying to be snobby with the comment, but SERIOUSLY... stop. haha.

Regardless, I need to figure out what to do with my life.

3) .... I had so much to say.. it's all left me though after writing about this same-ol-crap.

4) oh yeah.. I need to make some serious changes when it comes to exercising. Meaning... I need to START exercising for once. Heh. It's extremely difficult because I don't particularly need to for an image thing, but I would really like to be more in shape and in top health. I don't make New Years Resolutions, but as of tomorrow (monday) .. when I return home ... I've committed to exercising 4-5 times a week. We'll see how THAT goes. Usually after the first day I'm so sore that I just give up.
Now that I'll have more time on my hands with the upcoming semester, I think I can stay on a good exercise regimen. I figure it might help with job interviews eventually coming up too.... I want to be at my best when that time rolls around.
And maybe I'll go to Cancun for spring break (last spring break)... and that can be my goal.. top shape for Cancun. :P

5) I don't know. That's all. Driving home tomorrow.

6) Another resolution/change. I think I'm going to stop posting about random guys. Well, not random.. but just this ridiculous 'quest for true love'/but-not-really posts. Only really meaningful things will I write about.... I don't know.. I'm really just fed up. Tin* expressed the other day that I seemingly have "all these random guys" .. and I do realize that kind of is the case and I'm sick of it. At least it's not like her type of "only-friends-w/-benefits" relationships, but dating... when does dating other people become deceiving to someone particular? I'm no longer going to encourage it in this journal, and I'm going to try to FOCUS. I think that maybe we create what we think about (or in my case I think it happens that way)... and in the past I've been thinking about just having fun and going with whatever interests me... which I don't think is unhealthy for someone my age ... but honestly I'm getting to a point where I'm fed up with dating/flirting .. both of which occur quite regularly but never really go anywhere. And if they do it's usually not a healthy committment. I hate being so true to aquarius.. things I read.. fun-loving but unable to commit... pleeeease let me grow out of this. Why do I hate the one thing I bring upon myself. sigh.

"They can take away your truth - the question is, can you handle mine? ...
Everybody's talkin' all this stuff about me, why don't they just let me live
I don't need permission
make my own decisions
that's my perogative

Don't get me wrong
I'm really not souped
Ego trips is not my thing
All these strange relationships really gets me down
I see nothing wrong in spreading myself around"

haha... that song *just* came on, and I'm not gonna lie... I kinda like it and found it pretty appropriate to the post above :P

7) I can't sleep because I watched part of The Exorcist and am now afraid. lol. I am such a wimp. *Why did I do that*.. I knew it would scare me.