Sullen v.5



lights will guide you home

Saturday, December 17, 2005

so true...

"Knowing you, you're looking to the future in advance of everyone else, weighing your choices and reevaluating your plans. It's definitely big-picture stuff, but it's exactly the kind of thing you're best at. Right now, though, your view is curiously limited -- it could be your emotions are getting in the way, or the daily routine has you worn down. Activate your imagination -- there's a choice here you're not seeing, and it may be the right one."

I don't know about "everyone else," because it seems like a lot of people are where I'm at now -- determining the future. It's constantly on my mind lately. Weighing choices and reevaluating really is exactly what I'm doing. Sometimes I make it sound like everything I do is "spontaneous," but the truth is a lot of it is the result of intense thinking/planning. I really don't do anything spontaneous. Crazy adventures I decide to do are pretty much planned. Granted I don't always know where I'm going with them, but I do know the option/potential/good/bad whenever I go.. meaning I've evaluated all things considerably in my mind.

It is true, too, that my view feels a bit limited right now. And I'm not going to lie, I do think it is the result of emotions. "But maybe I want to stay close to..." .. or "maybe I should find out where my friends are going, or better yet.. get them to come with me. :P"

I feel like I'm in the position to do whatever I want right now, and I really have to plan carefully because it is.. somewhat?. laying the foundation of my career/relations/future. That's not to say I expect to have the same career my entire life, but I do want my career to lead me in a direction that makes me happy on a daily basis. I think it's possible. Anyway.

To make a crazy thought short, I've been increasingly considering a move back to DC. *shrug* I don't know. I loved it there (despite the ridiculous coldness). Not to mention a lot of my close friends are applying to Georgetown Grad. school, and it wouldn't be such a bad thing to be near them (assuming they get in and go). And not at all a factor in why I would go, haha, but Davi* is there. We still keep in touch and whatnot.. I dunno... I wouldn't mind getting to know him better because I feel like what we had was shortlived, but an interesting chemistry was there. *not why I would go though!* haha... man.. maybe it all is an emotional-thing in my mind right now.. which is really funny because I'm usually more rational than emotional when thinking about options.

Ugh.. and I do feel like there is *one obvious choice* that is there that I'm not seeing right now.. which is why I'm so hesitant to tell anyone about "my plans". I FEEL something... it's a weird sense of excitement that there's something great (I've said this before), but I just haven't found it yet.. I don't know what that means.. it's just a feeling that says "don't make any decisions yet because something hasn't happened that will make the decisions easy."

guess we'll see.