Sullen v.5



Where Would I Be Without Them

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Honestly, I don't know where I'd be without my boy friends. Sooo I don't have a boyfriend, but I am so thankful to have the *best* boy friends ever. lol. If I could just pick and choose their individual qualities I could make the perfect boyfriend, and if I had to choose between all of them.. I just don't think it would be possible. One of my best longterm boy friends (haha, feels funny phrasing it like that) being Der*.. I dunno how good of a friend he'd consider me (I'd hope a good friend?), lol, but I consider him a close/good friend whom I enjoy hanging out with. His home was practically my 2nd home during the summer :P and that's pretty cool that I have a friend, who's a boy, that I'm comfortable just hangin' with.. no strings attached. Girls will most likely agree with me, and I know guys (who know girls) realize that girls can be pretty vicious to each other. That's the great quality about guys, and their friends.. they just treat each other with such *brotherhood*.. they have little sayings like "bros before hoes".. haha.. that's a really bad example.. but really.. they stick together.. girls.. they're apt to turn on you for petty reasons. ANYWAY. I can't lie, I probably prefer hangin' with the guys than I do the girls (although I have several very good girl friends). . at least my best guy friends. Girls, it's fun.. and a good time to blow steam. Guys.. it's usu. nothing but funnn craziness. Last night was my good friend's, Pat*'s, 21st.. got to hang out with all my friends.. but what a wonderful time particularly hangin' with my best guy friends. I'm soo lucky to have that at Pepp*, too, because there's quite a subdivision at Pepp* where the two (guys/girls) just don't seem to mix that well/often. Or they do, but it's usu. just random.. whereas I have a great group of guy friends whom I'm very close to. They're definitely like the big brothers I never had, besides the hooking-up jokes.. but of course I can't imagine "hooking-up" with any of them because I think it would compromise my relationship with all of them (besides, 2 are taken.. so esp. careful to respect that). It's weird though .. can semi-flirting happen with good guy friends? .. Yeah.. I think it's only natural. People say guys and girls can't be friends, BUT.. I prove them all wrong.. and even though there's bound to be times when diff.-emotion is felt (due to mere proximity I think), I have pretty great self-control.. so.. no problem. I don't say that to be arrogant.. heh.. it's just that I've been studying a lot about self-control for my midterm (prin. of learning), and have noted that what they say is applicable to how I operate... I look at long-term benefits, I'm cautious, I use high-prob. behavior to reinforce low-prob. behavior (example: studying on a saturday night (low-prob. behavior) to do well on my mon. midterm, w/ high-probability/valued behavior -- having fun (high-prob behav) -- as my incentive to work hard on a day when I REALLY would rather not.. studying = leading to fun). People generally acclaim such people to have great "willpower", but it's not willpower, just learned behavior (this behavior being self-control). And self-control is beinng able to recognize the consequences of behavior when most people wouldn't, given the same situation. Anyway. That was the example the book gave, and highly applicable to how I operate. siiiiide tracked.

Just thinkin' about this because last night was the greatest time ever. I try not to let it go to my head because they're just *sooo* cool to me.. it's nice to feel so truly loved, really. Not like my mother's love, but sincere "we love having you around." Or "you really are our favorite" (whatever that means.. I kinda like it, but don't like it when they say such things around my other good girl friends, whom they're friends with). They get my complete stupidity.. I say the most ridiculous things (last night's highlight was, "Ya gotta ROLL with the big dogs or get out!".. said in truly gangsta'-style too, it was amazing, I still don't know why I used that particular phrase for what I was trying to explain.. but immediately found it hilarious after realizing how ridiculous it was), but it's just for fun.. and sooo much laughter.. I love that they love the parts of me that I love. In other words, they accept me for the person I am naturally (crazy). And they're all so individualistic. I could say exactly what I looove about each one of them individually, but sometimes I really can't put words to all of it either. I just have so-much-fun with them, and really truly appreciate having such great guy friends in my life.. I guess also because I truly lose faith sometimes in guys, but it's nice to know some really great quality ones are out there.. and granted they're just my friends, but I'm thankful. :)

anywayyyyy.. yeah.. about self-control.. I gotta get on this reading..