Sullen v.5



Missing "The Call"?

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Sometimes I think I'm completely missing my calling. I've learned from listening to so many people that just because you have a skill in a certain area doesn't mean that's what you should be doing with your life. heh. Yet I still get this feeling of guilt that maybe I should be pursuing that which I do naturally and apparently am perceived as helpful when I do: diagnosing (particularly psychopathy/behavior/physio).
Generally I try not to, or excuse myself when I start to, because I don't think people want their friend analyzing them like that... and I certainly do not think I have any kind of professional authority to tell people anything. I am always sure to tell whomever I am speaking with/advising that they most definitely should not heed my words, but look into my suggestions with a professional psychologist.

This topic back again because someone I've very close to - someone I wouldn't have suspected anything until I heard her telling me some things tonight ("constant sleepiness no matter how much I sleep"- first tipoff). I let her talk more and she stated she has been having 'random crying' - crying spells - and the keyword being when she stated... "I just feel so helpless these days.." .... helplessness.. all *key* symptoms of depression). She was telling me these things because she was wondering about my advice and going to see a counselor... I recommended a counselor.. and that it is possible she has minor depression.. which obviously can get worse if not addressed, and how is it induced ... situational.. biological... etc.

Turns out that her family has a history of depression - which doesn't surprise me because prevalence of depression is correlated genetically.

I don't think I should become a psychologist, but I don't know what to do with this knowledge otherwise. I definitely *do* want to help, and am more than willing to give my advice... but half the time I just sit back and observe.. but can't really say anything because I am truly not "qualified" despite an undergraduate degree (almost :) ). That's interesting too.. how "qualified" am I *really* as a result of an undergraduate degree? Do I not have any right to share what I know because I am not a doctor? Ethically I feel like it's not right, but at the same time... I've studied my ass off and am on top of fresh/new studies.. information.. I have *so* much information that I am finally in a position to draw educated deductions.

When I was first beginning my degree I remember thinking how silly college was because I didn't think I'd really have a handle on "psychology" once I was graduating. 2 Years later and I've got analyzing procedures.. testing.. abnormal pathology.. physiological explanations.. research methods.. statistical methods.. cross cultural considerations.. cognition.. learning.. social... heh... just to say I know a few things (to say the least ;) ).. and one of my strengths is "the big picture"... taking lots of information, organizing it, and pulling together the grand theme of things. And.. truly not to sound arrogant.. but I am among the best in my degree.. I was awarded the frickin' social psy. division award.. that's gotta say something? That's why research papers are difficult for me at first.. because I just reaaaad read read.. but after reading.. I can pull together pretty insightful themes. An evil teacher once told me that "it is evident that you express yourself better in writing than speaking." heh. I surprised her because I turned in a 20-pg. SOLID research paper despite not having a clue about the subject while she taught it (hence why I could not participate w/ speaking in her class).

ANYWAY. I don't know where I am going with this. I just don't know. I feel like God gives me direction, and then I doubt it.. why... ... I am supposed to be *organizing*, yes.. I am supposed to be managing.. leading... I am supposed to be helping... I am supposed to be making a serious difference because I am *capable* and willing... where do I go with that...

listen to the waves
and everything communicates
oh no there you go and miss the show
how much wasted time will you survive?
Oh yeah fooled again
don't know how and don't know when
not much else to blame but wishful thinking
little breakdowns in coastal towns
they come suddenly
over you
they come easily

and I tried to realize that I need not look any further
the whole of the universe is plain to see
and I tried not to rely on another world or future
the whole of the universe is a mystery

and it gets me over
it gets me over
it gets me over

Thank-You-Duncan. ;)
Duncan Sheik - Wishful Thinking