Sullen v.5




Monday, October 24, 2005

It's a constant struggle to keep in mind that I don't have to do what this society wants or expects me to do. I'm lucky to be able to say that. I think anyone who live in a democracy ought to take that to heart more. Too many people are caught up in the rat race. WHY... when you have the freedom to do *whatever* you want!

I'm a free spirit, always have been and maybe I always will be (most studies reflect that our personalities are generally stable throughout a lifetime). Despite being a self-proclaimed "free spirit", I am constantly measuring my wishes up against this society... inadvertently. I guess what people think matters to me, and I wish it didn't matter so much. I find myself not wanting to pursue anything, and then wondering what my classmates would think at our 10 year reunion when I was voted "most likely to succeed" and yet I'm dirt broke but traveling the world. haha. And you know what, I don't think I'd have a problem with that. I want money to be comfortable, but I don't *need* excessive money/things. That's probably why I've been able to save so much to payoff my student loans immediately after graduating... I just make a clear distinction between my needs and wants. Is buying a whole new wardrobe going to make me feel better about myself? No.. I want people to accept me for who I am anyway, not based upon the clothes on my back.. so I don't buy new clothes unless it's necessary or a good deal. Sure I want an iPod, but it's a luxury I don't need right now.. so I bought a great mp3 player for $20 on e-bay that is *teeny* and great for exercising.

Anyway. I just catch myself wondering ridiculous things like "what will people think?.. they won't understand my logic even if I tried to explain..", but why does it honestly matter?? It doesn't.

Society tells me that I need to become a doctor.. a psychologist... whatever.. I have the brains so why shouldn't I? Spend 10 years in education to prepare for a lifetime in a career. It doesn't make sense! That's 10 years I could be living, and the "career" thing... who says I want a steady career anyway?

Success, to me, is living every day to the max. I'm taking on a very hedonistic/existential outloook these days... within reason and not too much excess. . balance is key.

This is all.