Sullen v.5




Friday, October 28, 2005

Something that bothers me, sometimes, is my introvert-times. I go through phases where all I want is to be around people and have fun, but then times of extreme introvertedness. word? .. I'm pretty sure everyone has these ups and downs, but it bothers me.. I think it sends my friends mixed messages. Yes I'll have crazy fun times with them . . . but there's only so many times they want to invite me to things after that where I *plan* with them to go out, but then decide that I really don't want to go out so I just won't call or will cancel. Generally I don't call because I know if I do I'll be given a hard time about it. And while I *need* my introvert-times, I'm not sure it's when I'm at my best. Can you need something and not enjoy it? That's how it feels. I need it, but then I feel a little depressed in the mix of it all. I *want* to be out, but some thing(s)? hold(s) me back. Maybe I'm a little depressed about my introvert-times because I can just see myself losing all of my friends.. or at least those I'm close to.. because of it. It takes effort to keep relationships going.. sometimes I just need my space though.

I think it happens as midterms get closer, and I just want to buckle down and focus. So, no, I probably won't be going out for Halloween a) because I have a midterm on mon. and b) the whole idea of Halloween bothers me. Terrible things happen on this day, and generally it is a holiday for evil.. for those that follow satanist religions. I knoooow most people don't look at it that way, and that's fine.. ignorance is bliss in that case... I just personally don't like to recognize it as a "holiday." So yes, that makes me "boring".. but whatever.. .. I'm glad I have the excuse of a midterm.

On a more uplifting note -- Aar* treated me to a lovely dinner tonight.