Sullen v.5



so yeah. Instead Of Writing That Paper..

Monday, September 12, 2005

I'm writing because I'm procrastinating. Really I should be writing a paper to my professor about the "bits and pieces" of the "10 neurotic needs" that are applicable to me from "Horney's list" -- since this is the paper he has specified for us all to write.

At first I was really excited about this class, because it's with a professor who truly cares about getting to the heart of things and not so much about grades (the class is known by others as the "therapy class"), but I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable in this class. Maybe because I'm increasingly becoming vulnerable to be judged by both my peers and professor, but then again.. I did join this class for deep insight into both my life and the lifes of others.

On this first day of class we did "stepping stones" where we close our eyes for two minutes and think of 6-7 memorable/important times in our life. Of course I had to be one of the first three people selected that day to share their "stepping stones" with the class. . and I followed a girl who had just finished crying. man. Although the activity made me feel a bit uncomfortable, and felt a little cheezy for myself. . it's amazing to hear everyone's life stories. . I might think some girl/guy has *everything* going right for them due to their charm.. or their great looks.. or their humor.. who knows -- whatever my first impression -- and then I have to backup and realize how they really go through difficulties (if not moreso) that I have experienced. I guess this is what interests me a lot though.. haha, and probably why I'm a psychology major.. the stories of people.. their interactions with other people.. mistakes that are made, why we make them.. etc.

Still, my last essay on my self-esteem was quite personal. I keep thinking about it and how I regret being so honest.. but I guess that's the point of this class too.. as the description says, "This course develops understanding of one's self and others as individuals and as members of groups. The course emphasizes group dynamics and self-awareness, the impact of self on others, free expression and better listening and barriers to group participation. Through the explorations of differing values and roles, the student is able to improve communications and decision making." ... "the success of this course requires openness and honesty on all parts. It is likely that we will disclose much about ourselves. This requires a great deal of maturity. In addition this means that what goes on this class MUST BE CONFIDENTIAL.. WHAT IS HEART IN HERE STAYS IN HERE! It must not be discusses with non-class members. Without this commitment to confidentiality we will be unlikely to develop an environment of trust. If you feel that you cannot make this commitment, PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS CLASS." (written just like that)

so anyway.. I better get on this "neurotic needs" essay, which I really am feeling reluctant to write about. Aar* visited tonight and decided to assess my neurotic needs based on the 10. I had already read the 10 and picked which ones were applicable before he had come over, and although I was reluctant to have him semi-psychoanalyze me.. I went with it.. and he amazingly can read me like a book. haha. I then psychoanalyzed him, but apparently I'm not as accurate in my reading.. but I just think he's in denial of some. :P
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In other short-n-sweet-news. This weekend was all about fun and a little R&R. I'm worried about my studies because I literally have been doing *very little* homework in comparison to previous semesters. This is because two of my courses consist of three major exams with little side-hw (lots of reading but I never do the reading until the exam is close... and when the exams get close I'll feel the wrath for not reading 3-4 weeks worth of chapters for each class), the other class is basically writing about personal issues that don't require reading the book (although surprisingly it is the only class I have been reading for), and my final class only consists of weekly quizzes. The other "course" is in neurotrauma research, and that's more about needing to find time rather than hw and exams.
tada. ok.

A good friend from DC turned 22 this weekend (wow, 22...) so we basically had a major group celebtration both friday and saturday. . I was supposed to go to a friend's "engagement party" on fri., but bailed because I'm not a big fan of the bride... and I thought it was just me who thought she was kind of -cold-(?), but everyone came back from the party and said she was a real bummer.. sadly no one understands why they're getting married.. I have my suspicions though. Sun..R&R.. did nothing.. still no homework except a *little* reading.. Aar* invited me to dessert with some friends of his which was a nice time.. later went to the library to try and read, bumped into Rya* and I'm really worried about him... hopefully I'll get the chance to have a heart-to-heart talk with him.. because man.. I really think he needs someone to talk to. When you ask someone how they're doing and they look like they want to say fine as they're smiling and nodding but it comes out, "... you know.. I could sit here - smile and nod - and tell you everything's fine... but it's really been tough these days..." .. :/ I don't know..gosh..I didn't want to get right into conversation there in the library because it seemed pretty serious. I just hope he feels that he has people to talk to, aside from myself, and isn't bottling everything up inside. His best friend at Pepp* died last year, and I can only imagine it's still something that troubles him.. aside from other issues I know a little about.

so. that, essentially.. was my weekend. It was so good to hangout with my DC friends on sat.. we watched The Ring 2 and I was literally screaming at some parts. I think it was because everyone else in the room got me all hyped up, because normally I deal *OK* with scary movies.. but man.. poor Ad* had Dani* and I squeezing his legs to death at scary parts. lol, kind of funny in hindsight. I was *screaming*.. especially when "Samora" (?) started climbing up that well. . *shudders* haha, and of course the entire night we were all trying to freak each other out.. no one could go to the bathroom alone, and if you DID.. you could guarantee someone was going to pop out at you on your way back to the movie.

this is alllllllll.