Sullen v.5




Thursday, July 14, 2005

So I've been wanting to see Hitch for a *long* time for really no reason. My friends in DC all teased me about it because that was their first impression of me, "We should all go see Hitch!", and I was super fanatical about it too.. every time we thought it would be a good movie night, I always suggested that movie; however, we never got around to seeing it because all of the guys I hung out with didn't want to see it because they thought it looked like a "dumb comedy chick flick."

Ok, so it is to some extent, but it's just *really* ironic that I saw it *finally* -tonight- after writing that exhaustive previous post about relationships.. how I'm always moving around.. excuses to not be in one.

Funny though, because the character in the movie, "Sara" (Eva Mendeles), to some unfortunate extent, at least in my perspective, she is *exactly* how I am. Very career driven, professional attire, plenty of guys around if that's what I wanted.. but I don't.. because I am usually weary of their intentions and have a big "F*** Off" invisibly written across my forehead. haha. Wow. I don't know.. that movie just *really* reflects everything about me.. even if I were betrayed, or felt betrayed, I might act the way she did because I am *that* pessimistic about guys. Always on guard. And if you let me down after I've instilled some sort of trust in a guy - if I let them beyond some of the walls I have - my anger can be unforgiving.

And weird too.. because she tells this story in the movie, about how her younger sister almost died.... mine did too, except my sister's was due to an asthma attack.. something I will never forget, and it really was a life changing experience for me.... it was MY sister who actually saved MY life when the ice broke beneath me on a lake (the same scenario used in the movie).



Yeah. I just thought it was really really ironic timing to be watching this movie, after anticipating it all this time... and everything just being thrown right in my face.. I'm not saying it's some sign, but yeah, to some extent, I feel like I was meant to see *this* movie on *this* day.

Everything about her in that movie is how I am .. even up to the very final scene where they're dancing. lol. If Michelle were to watch this movie, I think she'd agree it's very much like me... haha.. at least the final scene where they're busting out with some goofy dance moves (something Michelle got to witness on her last night staying with me when I decided to break out with a dance party and show some crazzyyyy moves... haha.. it was a blast for me though.. just to be totally goofy/fun) ...

anyway. hm yeah. weird to watch this movie after having reflected just a little while ago about how *I* am .. it definitely makes me think about it.. but at the same time, that's how I feel.. in the end I'm just going to be swept off my feet by someone who's just not going to take no for an answer (with a reasonable belief that they shouldn't - not talking about some psycho).. someone who's going to work past all of my b*llsh*t because I can come up with a lot of it.. someone who can help me stop running from love. It's like in that movie where he says "I know we've only been on 3 dates, but something just tells me deep down that I want to be miserable.. if that's what it takes to be with you." ("miserable" taken out of context from the movie there).. that's kind of how it is with me, or how I feel from people who are interested.. they "just know".. and I probably know too, but I run from it like no other.. but it's those people I wish would find a way to stop me.. because sometimes I feel it's out of my control, but honestly, I have to be more willing to take a chance too and not be so scared .. I guess.. .. . not sure exactly where/if I want to go on with this post..

so.. just ending it.. to say.. it was an interesting eye opener/comic relief to someone like myself.