Sullen v.5



feeling so lost.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

Sometimes I think the only reason I'm avoiding "the future," as far as my pursuits/interests go, is because
1) My interests vary greatly in jobs and I don't want to waste time pursuing a masters or PhD, specializing, when I really have no idea what to specialize in.
My current thoughts: Neuropsychology or Organizational Behavior

2) I fear the GRE. Stupid, maybe, but I really do. I feared the SAT greatly, and I equally fear the GRE *more* because I haven't exactly kept myself up-to-date on my math/vocab., albeit passing the AP Calc BC test & AP Lit. exams... but that was in high school.. and it allowed me to basically get out of any math in college (lol, uh, and the only class I have a "W" in is accounting.. in which I literally failed my first test - 64% or something ridiculous - and decided I was never going to be a business major as a result.. oh and struggling to not die in Microecon. wasn't exactly a high point in college either, but I got through it with a B by divine help somehow... .. lol. oh memories. And then... I took formal methods & comp. sci.. just to torture myself).
Why else do I fear the GRE?
Because I KNOW it is basically used as a baseline score for candidates to a good graduate program. People can tell me allll they want that it "really isn't a big deal," but I promise, and KNOW, the only way good schools weed out hundreds of applicants is by immediately dropping those with low/avg. GRE scores. It's like myself hiring applicants for my CRE*.. you *have* to find something easy to cut the candidates in half, AT LEAST cut half, to even arrive at the "consideration" point.
Why else? -- I should have been preparing this entire summer, probably. Or at least dedicated 2 months to some hardcore studying.. because I should be taking the test, AT THE LATEST, this upcoming semester if I want to seriously consider going to grad. school.. and I don't feel prepared.
Speaking of which, I will have one shot at the GRE, unlike the SAT.. because I'm not preparing for grad. school as far in advance as I was for my undergrad. And I'm not exactly sure I have any *amazing* claims to make that can overlook something like the GRE, as I had in high school (valedictorian among a butt-load of other achievements.. nice way of putting it huh?). What I have in college: 3.52 overall, 4.0 Psych., Year abroad in Italy, Semester in DC/Neuroscience, good summer work experience, Psi Chi, Social Sci. Scholarship Award... I don't really know.. honestly.. my resume over 4 years of college feels starkly "blank," at least when I compared to what I had to say when applying for undergrad. Blah. But then again, maybe "what I had" before, still counts, by noting the Univ. I currently attend.. and Pepp* doesn't exactly admit shabby applicants on a full-ride.

Anyway. :(

And I *want* to go to a *good* grad. program. That's my thing -- if I go to grad. school (or PhD program), I want it to be *supremo* quality/funded fully through scholarhips by the Univ.. otherwise why waste my time/money?.. not to mention having attended an excellent undergraduate university.. I *should*, and am set, to go to a good grad. program.

Honestly though, I don't have the first clue what I should be doing at this point.

Questions I have to answer:
Why the heck would I pursue neuropsychology if I don't want to be a researcher/educator in that subject? The only reason, MAYBE, would be to become a neuropsychologist. That's it. However, I don't want to deal as a psychologist - I must be a NEUROpsychologist if I go that route. And what market is there for neuropsychologists these days/the future? And do I honestly want to take 6 years of my life to pursue something in which I am not confident that I am 100% passionate about the subject/future job?

Should I pursue Org. Behavior (my current minor) because I don't want to go into research/teaching?... Allows me to get a job at the highest level in numerous places. A very nice broad specialization. Haha. Love it. "A broad specialization."

uuuugh. anyway. I'm done stressing out here. *SIGH*