Sullen v.5



The Worst Hostess Ever..

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Is me. Yeah, it is the sad truth. It gets me really down because I feel like when people come to visit me sometimes, wherever I may be, they want to do *everything*... and while I definitely *do* want to see everything too and make it the best visit ever for that person.. I can get very lethargic/apathetic about it. I blame it on being a dam aquarius. heh. And old horoscope (couple days ago), but unfortunately it definitely applies for lately:

"Your need for independence is acting up, whether within a one-on-one relationship or in terms of a group. Get some alone time before you get cranky -- and others get offended."

Maybe it's because I've been interacting so *much* with people over this last couple of weeks (I think evident by the trend of posts lately) that I'm coming to a "down time" phase, which really sucks right now because Michelle is visiting and I -hate- to feel like that while she's here.. and I also hate to feel like that when going to work where it's really necessary to exert that "extra effort" this particular week that is crucial for setting up the *entire* 4 week program. I really hope Michelle isn't too disappointed with things so-far.. haha.. maybe I'm just paranoid, by God it's only been a day!.. but I know my attitude could be better sometimes (especially with my parents), and I really need to keep myself in check. I feel like we did make the most of her first day here.. I had a good time at least... woke up a little later than expected (but I felt the sleep was necessary for both of us), went to a nice local hangout for brunch.. received a phone call from a co-worker informing me of soccer signups (older/college city league), rushed over to Thorpe to sign-up... and she was so gracious to spot me $40.00 for the moment (something I wasn't expecting to pay to play on a recreational soccer team.. and really had to muster some compromising with my parents as to how we would pay Michelle back.. turns out they'll pay half.. since I really don't have the funds right now and it's not something I *must* do.. but my parents are pretty cool about supporting me with extra/good things I *want* to do.. given I help out a bit with paying, which I guess is fair..) ... and anyway.. turns out the team I was placed on had a game *that day*.. and I was thinking about playing, but figured it was for the best that I didn't that day... drove down to the area where we first became friends and spent most of our childhood... which they've bulldozed so it was really sad/eerie but at the same time kind of interesting to me... my family took Michelle and I out to see "the property".. out towards the reservation area.. particularly to find my soccer gear in storage, but I also did want Michelle to have a chance to see that area too.. I knew she'd like it because it's very beautiful/naturey.. later got back, had a great dinner.. now watching The Aviator (which I love).. so all-in-all I think it was a pretty good day.. lol, it's a lot more than I normally do on a Sunday :P ... anyway.. I think I mainly just felt bad because she took a walk with my parents at night and I didn't want to go, and yeah.. felt kind of obligated like I should.. anywho.. haha.. she'll inevitably read this too.

But as some friends have found out, I generally don't keep things omitted from this blog even if I know they'll read it (the good and the bad).. if it's something on my mind that I need to get out...

so anyway.. maybe not the worst, but I have kind of felt apathetic.. and I just hope she doesn't think I'm being too standoffish.. or lack the excitement that she has to do things around here.. I guess for me I really take it for granted so I'm less "enthusiastic", and I really wish my car didn't suck so we could go to more major places.. anyway.. I just want her visit to be a good one here.. so yeah, that's all. :) I'm really happy to have her back, it's *great* to see her after all these years.. and it's nice that we really have time (rather than a couple of days) to catch up.

Outs I go. :)