Sullen v.5



This is all.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

It's crazy how several people will decide to contact me on one particular day. *shrug* It's funny 'cause Aar* called when I was sleeping (passed out early tonight due to pure exhaustion), and I have a *bad* problem of picking up the phone half out of sleep.. I don't even think about -not- answering it.. I just pick it up right out of sleep and it usually leads to funny/confused conversation.
Me: ".. (sleepy sounding) Hey... "
Aar*: "Hey.. sorry were you sleeping?.."
Me: "(pause).. (confusion)"
Aar*: "hey?.."
Me: "oh.. yeah.. sorry.. no I wasn't sleeping.. the connection is bad.. let me call you back.."
Aar*: "ok"
Me: 3 hours later, after hanging up and falling asleep again, after the short conversation, I recall telling Aar* I was going to call him back after I hung up.. (calling at midnight East-Coast--time and obviously waking him up) "crap.. I'm so sorry.. I thought I'd catch your answering machine"

and we always have cell phone-falling-out-issues so the sound went dead.. text messaged.. and I guess the plan is to talk tomorrow. Should be good to catch up.

Anyyyyway.. yeah.. haha. It was just the craziest thing tonight. was sooo out of it.

Mik* also called, but fortunately I thought twice about picking it up immediately since I was out of it. . but had a good talk later.. apparently he may be moving to AZ 'cause his parents are talking about it. lol. I gave him the "10 good reasons to move to Flag*"-talk.. even though I probably wouldn't want to live here in my future.

Spoke with Cola too.. caught up a bit but not enough. We definitely will need to catch up when she comes up this weekend. I saw "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" with Jen the other day, and man.. all these movies making me cry lately! I thought it was going to be cheezy, but it was actually a great film and reminded me a lot of my group of high school girl friends.

Jo* messaged.. plans to hangout on Thur. when she comes up, so I'm getting my rest now while I can. haha. She recently just turned 21.. good times.

Spoke with Ree* too. Her and Tin* just got back from some random international traveling they're doing (can't remember from where). . while my other friends Esh* and Mal* are traveling all over China together! So jealous! They send pics and it looks so neat. They want me to come up to Malibu and visit this summer... maaaaybe I will.. especially if I need an interview for this lab/mentorship with a professor that I want to get. ...*especially* if I can make it over there when Davi* plans to arrive. Oh. I forgot to mention. Uh yeah.. spoke to Davi* again and he says he's definitely making plans to come to Cali. .. craziness. It freaks me out a bit.. because if I can't make it to Cali. he's considering the possibility of making a trip over to AZ (or discussing about meeting half-way somewhere.. maybe Vegas :P) .. but yeah.... I don't knooooow. Dam I liked him a lot, and it's hard to look at guys now and not measure them up in comparison to him... but at the same time... yeah I don't know. I'm definitely all about hanging-out-with-whoever right now and not getting tied down. It makes me slightly uncomfortable that this may be more serious than I want it to be.. *not* that I think he's coming out to the west coast to see *me*, but .. it may have crossed his mind. :P Haha. Ahhh!
frickin A.. this is why I'm careful about who I get involved even remotely intimately with. *deleted* honestly I think it's because I have a weird intensity that is felt by that person if I let them close to me.. so yeah.. they get a taste and they want it all! haha. wow that's bad. Some girls are super flirty-touchy-feely with everyone.. that's definitely not my style because it leads to unwanted attention/attachment, and while some girls can maybe do that and *not* be misleading about it.. because they're really the "flirty" type who don't mind *any* attention.. I have to be intentional about it or it usually leads to accidental misleading. I don't know why, because I definitely don't consider myself as some *gorgeous* girl, like not bad.. maybe considered "cute" by some with all things added up, but not gorgeous.. lol... and for whatever reason I get a lot of attention as it is.. like guys who just stare or look for my reaction to something (esp. a guy at my work) or who follow me around when I'm just being nice but not flirty (esp. at parties)... I can't imagine how bad it would be if I were actually flirty with people I wasn't interested in.. and I don't understand why some girls do that. Then again, certain alcohol makes for weird flirtiness sometimes.. except I'm not out of my mind about it.

And you'd THINK I'm drunk with the way I'm typing right not and going on and on.. haha.. but yeah I'm not.. just something I've thought about... especially the intensity thing and why it's important for me to not even gently touch someone on the arm or something.. especially if there's no established friendship for them to distinguish a difference.

This is all.