Sullen v.5



Because I choose to use AIM.

Sunday, June 26, 2005

*siiiiiigh* Am I out of my mind? Seriouslyyyyy. Ugh. AIM has made things revolutionary, because if it weren't for AIM, I really don't know that I'd still be in communication with Davi* (i.e. guy I met only a month before leaving DC). I don't know.. I do love talking with him, there's that "weird stomach feeling" even when just frickin' *typing* to him.. and the initial, "ok.. here it goes.. I'm going to IM him this time because he has the past __ times." Crazy I know!

The whole "girls are so complicated"-crap that's always said, well the saying was probably originated by someone who knew me first. blah.

Anyway. This reminds me of another friend's post (who I won't permalink to because I am *that* exhausted from my soccer game today), who is/was going through a similar scenario. Basically.. it's about this constant IM-flirting-thing.. but I guess my situation is a little different in that I know there is/has been? mutual interest and it's not about "reading into"/questioning much. The only *big* question that remains: "Is he seeing somebody else now?" .. and of course I'm not going to ask, because that would almost involve DTR and I'm not sure that I really want/am ready for that conversation. I mean, I expect he's very-well dating (whether generally or exclusively).. and if he was, it wouldn't change much in my mind, maybe.. because I'm happy with being able to do my own thing too... it would just be a lot easier to move on and do my own thing if there weren't these constant IMs reminding me that he's still kind of "in my life".. and again, I don't have a problem with that, in fact it's kind of nice, but it's a little crazy to think that whatever we had might otherwise have been lost by now if it weren't for the conveniency of AIM..

and anyway.. this whole post is just making me realize how kind-of pathetic this is because *I know* there are other methods we could communicate that we choose not to use.. i.e. phone.. but I'm not much of a phone person so it all still seems to workout. Just knowing *him* (the little that I do), and knowing *me*.. we're probably moving on but keeping it on the DL in the off-chance he manages to visit (supposedly sometime in July? and another time in Oct?.. still working out the whole thing, which may not workout).. and so anyway.. *rubs face* I don't know, whatever.. feeling delirious and I need to sleep .. longgg day of work tomorrow (which isn't uncommon these days).. *sigh*.. so. I don't know. I need to figure out what I want and stop playing games, that's all there is to it. But the again... wouldn't it be beautiful if there wasn't a double-standard where men commonly do this shit. So in all fairness, I'm going to stick to my current method where I leave options open and if someone manages to really shift my attention, in lieu of my consideration for Davi*, then there shouldn't be any problem... man.
The thing that gets me crazy... I could probably be so over this if it weren't for AIM.. but I just can't resist those dam emoticon-winks!! (haha, kidding.. somewhat).

uh yeah, sounds super. blah.

* be continued* ... gosh, such a crappy saga in this journal sometimes.