Sullen v.5



ramblings and a question.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Things didn't go according to plan at-all tonight, but I'm actually totally fine with it. The guy who I was planning on going out with didn't sound well at all, so I suggested we save it for another time and that he should just rest and get better. Cait had invited me to go bowling with the new summer group, so I thought it would be a nice opportunity to get to see all of the new Pepp* people, and it *was*, only I got a little pissed when the director-lady (who everyone agrees is terrible at her job) subversively told me to go away. Instead of this lady simply telling me "during orientation friends and family aren't allowed to be with the group.." .. she comes up to me and says, "well it was nice to see you.. Bye." .. she darn well KNEW I was planning on coming too and waited up until the last minute to say this.. that's what gets me so mad.. and it's not like I had any idea that there was this "special rule". Heh, and to top it off the other/main director had no problem with me coming, the other students all wanted me to come (even this one acquaintance/guy, who I have always had a crush on, but not something I would ever think to do something about.. he told the main director.. "We're her only friends here! She should come!" lol, it was a cute effort on his part). My other friends were like.. "Just show up anyway.." and "If they're not going to let you go then I'm not going.." (such thoughtful friends, really), but I figured I had my fun with my spring group and that it's just a rule I didn't know about.. it's no one's fault except the stubborn mean lady-director, and I didn't want them to get in trouble if I showed up. It's stupid though, I could go to this place *on my own* and how could she ever stop me from going?.. it's simply not this director's call to make. Anyway. This lady is leaving tomorrow so I just sucked it up and left allll the way back for home.
I was going to hang out with Davi* after talking with him on the phone for a while (while I hung out all alone in my girl friends' empty apartment), but figured it was best to just go home. After thinking a while, I've decided that I'm only going to hangout with Davi and his friends under the condition that my other girl friends are also there with me.. I asked if he'd mind this when we go out tomorrow (afterall his friends were planning on coming), and he doesn't.. so.. that should be good. I also discovered Davi* is a pianist too (when he said, "I have to go to a rehearsal tomorrow.. but I'll call after that") ... so we have something in common :) (and my bet is that he's pretty good since he's playing an accompanyment part with a violinist).
Girl meets nice intelligent musician at a dance club.

Haha. Still sounds sketchy to me. We'll see. But to be optimisitc about it.. is it really that unusual?
I'm "nice", intelligent when I want to be :P, former musician in several instruments.. .. I may be kind of crazy, but I consider myself pretty 'stable'/well-grounded compared to "the other type of people" I would "assume" go to clubs.. .. and anyway.. my point is.. I tend to automatically believe that I would never meet someone like myself at a club (in truth the odds seems pretty slim) , but the very fact that *I was at the club* makes this belief invalid.

so.. I guess I can at least give him the benefit of the doubt.

QUESTION--->(I googled "benefit of the doubt" to see if I had the phrase wrong because it just doesn't sound right; however, it is right. Can someone explain this to me?? How can "benefit of the doubt" have a positive connotation??? I must be reading it wrong.. or something? I read it as "I'm giving them the BENEFIT of my doubt..", but reading it that way is the antithesis of what I really mean.
The only way I can see it being positive is in a mathematical sense.. i.e. extracting benefit FROM doubt .. (due to the term "OF" which = multiplication) IOW: .Benefit * Doubt = some benefit) .. there. Otherwise I am totally lost.