Sullen v.5



The Underlining Psychology

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Dissociate Identity Disorder (aka 'DID' aka 'Multiple Personality Disorder') is quite possibly one of the scariest things that I've studied in psychology so-far. It's amazing how little I understood about it. I will *never* (and may take offense to others if they do) kid-around with someone by asking "do you have multiple personalities or something?" or say.. "man, I must have multiple personalities!" It seems like an innocent way to joke-around with someone to imply indecisiveness, but in all actuality it's a quite frightening condition: the onset of it, and moreso the perversion that usually takes place before the onset. Considering what I understand of exorcism as well.. it makes me wonder if people in the past confused DID for demonization.. or... maybe... they're currently confusing demonization for DID (as a result of the concept of 'demonization' being too metaphysical. And I hate to leave that open as an option, because I know in the world of science (and others with the condition) would excoriate the thought as insensitive or ignorant.

I'm really entertaining the idea that I'm not cut out for psychology. It's interesting, but there are a lot of things that really scare me. In another perspective though, I consider myself as someone who (this is going to sound pretentious) really is culturally sensitive and appreciative/'tolerant' (in comparison to society) of the uniqueness in an individual. Only, I don't think 'tolerance' would be the right word because to me it isn't really a burden/conscious-cordialness decision.. it just feels natural as the most right and normal thing to do. In that sense, psychology is a good area for me to apply myself because a lot of people tell me that they consider me as someone who judges others from a "blank slate" perspective (tabula rasa, as Aristotle would deem it). And that is an important characteristic to have in psychology to be an effective counselor (not saying that I'm considering counseling, it's just an option that's there as a result of the route I'm taking). I don't know. Psychology also isn't good for me (I guess I am talking from the counseling perspective now), because I get too emotionally involved with people's situations. I can't even watch one of the many psychology videos (such as in cross-cultural) without occasionally needing to wipe tears from my eyes.. when I see people in positions of pain.. of feeling trapped.. it does hurt me personally as well.. and maybe that's good to a certain extent, because empathy is certainly important.. but.. I don't know.. I feel like it could depress me after a while.. especially if I don't feel like anything I'm doing is helping (or worse, aggravating the problem). But what do I do?.. Run away from the idea that I could be effective? Never try because I'm scared of failure? .. scared that I'm not good enough for the job... that's a big thing in my life.. running away.. ha.. even though it's amazing how contradictory this seems to everything I'm about... *usually* when it comes to interpersonal things.. I runnn.. and if I let people in, I tend to be really cautious about it.. and there have been occasions where I let people in too fast and have got seriously burnt by it, because truth is I'm hypersensitive to rejection/meanness.. and once it's done, I can put it aside and easily move *on* with my life in productive ways, but I have a hard time forgetting.