Sullen v.5




Tuesday, October 05, 2004

ahhhhh..... I can't take it anymore!!! haha.. seriously. I feel.. SOOOO overwhelmed right now. Exam this thursday. Great.. so I just have to catch up on reading about 6 chapters.. timed myself last night, and one chapter takes AT LEAST 2 hrs. to complete. That's not including *reviewing* to make sure I actually understood everything I crammed in back-to-back. Review is HUGE because, sure, I may understand concepts if I see them.. but this exam will consist of SIX essays and multiple choice. 6 Essays means I better have those terms - stories - concepts.. REALLY down.

Ok. Typing about it is stressing me out, so I'm going to switch off that and focus on another unrelated-to-academic stressor.. because really, that's what life is right now.. stressors of all type. SO. Ch* and I have been 'talking' again. Frickin A.. while it seems kinda nice.. there's a lot of emotional stress involved with that. And now the stressors are more than dealing with talking, because he is most likely *visiting* THIS thursday evening through ..?, and coming with a friend.. which is actually brilliant because I have a another HUGE exam on Monday!.. which I haven't read ANYTHING that is going to be covered on that exam yet.

1) Exam on Thursday
(and let's not even mention the LOAD of Homework ASIDE from this exam that needs to be done by Thursday)
2) Ch* arriving on Thursday
3) Haven't prepared for Monday Exam.. but needs to be done this weekend..
4) And honestly, how much time am I going to spend preparing for an exam when Ch* is here? This exact incident happened before when a friend was visiting.. and it wasn't good (yes yes you know who you are..) and I'm pretty sure he'll never forgive me for it.. and if he can, well I can't.. even if it's self-induced blame. . because it wasn't fair to him, but it didn't seem fair that I should fail out of school either to entertain a guest. I've let Ch* know of the circumstance ahead of time, heh, buuuuuut....... the responsibility on my part is going to be huge.. because we're talking.. I don't know, a very different situation in numerous ways. And man.. where is the line drawn between an experience with someone (more of a willing-sacrifice) and responsibility (more selfish)? Not sure that makes sense. The point is.. my ambition tends to rule out, what feels like, temporary pleasure.. but what should be my call as to what's going to be temporary? Why attempt to play God? Ahhhhh.... .. . and let's not even get to the stress of it simply being *him* who is coming.. maybe more anxious, but it feels like stress. lol. everything in my life translates to stress, basically! *screams* THE END. :)


I feel like this is ridiculous, but.. I don't know.. maybe I should have seen this coming?? (just read now - temporarily do this when there are specific things happening that I want to see if there's any validity to.. yesyes, this could be I'm just using an "available heuristic" with this.. but.. I don't know..)

October Overview

Hmmm, just when you thought you were (relatively) free of family obligations, a person from the past who is, well, related to you pops up. Let them in! And give them tea and cookies. You'll be glad you offered this little act of kindness because the karmic payoff -- namely, a center-of-the-volcano temperature affair -- will erupt the 3rd through the 5th. (In a relationship? Who says 'hot' has to mean 'new'? Nobody, that's who!). But what's hot isn't always easy -- there could be some cleaning up necessary on the 6th or 7th (ashes are heck to get out in the wash!). A compromise on the 9th will put you back on high the 13th and 14th, when you may have the desire to ... yodel? Go ahead. Something new is good for you! If you feel emotionally exposed (it's not easy to bellow really loud in front of strangers on a mountain top!) the 16th, go a party. The 22nd and 23rd, you shine. You're like lava, except nobody gets burned. You might even create a few new islands in that big old ocean out there!

Current Week

Your brain and your heart are all synched up at the beginning of the week, so take full advantage of it. Put all your intellectual and emotional powers to the best possible romantic use, whether you're coupled up or single -- connections made (or confirmed) now will last and last. On Wednesday and Thursday, mundane routines and responsibilities threaten to overshadow the glory that is love; make time for it, and make time for yourself as well. The weekend brings sudden changes or discoveries, with results that could be most extraordinary.