Sullen v.5



because I felt I should

Monday, October 18, 2004

I just climbed out of bed.. 2:45 a.m... because I need to record this.. because it's too coincidental.. and because they saw right through me (probably because they're people I higly value in my life.. and highly respect as people.. also for the reason that there's this inexplicable bond) --

and.. well, it scares me too.

Two people in these past two days have claimed that I have 'stopped praying.'

They didn't ask, they just told me. And these people, who I highly respect, are not people who are on-the-in as to my every day activities and well-being.. and when they told me, I'm not sure they really understood the extent of 'drama' that I've been dealing with lately. But they're around and we mutually care for each other.. knowing this without having to communicate more than once or twice a month sometimes.

.. and both separate times, separate people.. have contacted me for this reason:
"something (I'm assuming they considered it to be God -- because both are Christians)told [them they] needed to."

And you know what... they're right.. and I didn't even realize it.

Things right now.. are a little crazy.. I mean, I feel.. overall.. pretty good.. but there's a lot of emptiness too.. a lot of disappointment.. a lot of questioning.. a loss of focus.