Sullen v.5




Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Sooo I've adopted a new philosophy... "if you don't feel completely wiped out/tired (or are beyond that point), just keep studying" ..

heh, wait.. is that new?

My mom calls, often (lol.. yes that little note is necessary), and sometimes when she calls I just sit on the phone very un-respon-sive.. you could say. . . obviously signalling something is kind of 'wrong', but I know there's nothing she can do about it so I just try not to bother expressing it. . . sometimes after a period of un-respon-sive-ness I'll reply and say.. 'yeah, sorry I'm not more upbeat.. I'm just.. really kind of worried... .. this week is going to be bad.'

And it's got to the point where she doesn't believe me anymore. Which is sad, because it really always does come to the verge of an ultimate wreckage, but somehow I pull it off. Seriously I give God all the credit because I know my abilities.. I work hard.. but what I pull-off, often feels miraculous.

I have 3 'Midterm'-Type Exams back to back these following days. 1 Class of which I have literally not read *anything* for - the reading is incredibly significant in this class. The other, the teacher gave us the wonderful guidance to "know everything - every term, every concept, how everything relates.. every study.. every scientist.. .. to the point where you could teach it all to someone in a very understandable manner." .. her advice feels like a death-sentence. So I am in the process of knowing everything (this exam on wednesday).

The other class, Formal Methods, I was arrogant enough to believe I was the master at proofs.. and apparently, I actually really suck. lol. This exam is on the same day as the other exam I have not read anything for.

The OTHER exam is the day before these two exams..

which, in computer science terms (this exam on Monday.. oh, and it involves writing code by hand and a million other things I haven't got down sufficiently well)


If Exam1 = Wednesday And Exam2 = Thursday And Exam3 = Thursday
THEN outcome := fail Exam2 And 'pass' Exam3 And '' Exam1



.. and I received news today, that my last great-aunt, is apparnetly on the verge of dying due to recently-discovered liver cancer.

That would make 3 great-aunts (my grandma's sisters) of mine who have died in these past 3 months....... .. thus all of them will be gone if she goes.

They were a very significant part of my childhood and just.. overall life.

sigh. so. things aren't good.